Courtesy of Netflix

We guess we’re excited about the announcement that Netflix is offering a $99 set-top device that will allow customers to watch streaming movies on their TVs. The Netflix Player supposedly works really well and is simple to use, and we do already have a Netflix account. All the same, though, the notion of yet another component attached to our TV just makes us depressed. First of all, are there any input jacks left on our TV, after plugging in a DVR and a video-game system and the DVD player and the VCR we still occasionally use? Second of all, another remote control? Kill us now.

It all leads us to ask: Why do people hate monopolies, again? We wish a monopoly would take over the video-on-demand business right now.

Think about it! If Time Warner, or Sony, or the federal government, just took over video on demand, we wouldn’t have to decide between buying a Netflix Player or buying an Apple TV or using Time Warner’s VOD system or waiting (for probably a week) for Sony to announce a way to stream movies through a PlayStation. We wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that each one of these services offers different movies and shows, and that none of them offers all the movies and shows we actually want to see. If one company controlled the market, we could just buy an effing TV, plug it into the wall, and watch whatever the hell we want.

Sure, we understand that monopolies are bad when it’s, whatever, the railroad system. But where, oh where, is the benevolent monopoly that could solve our TV-watching problems forever?

Netflix to Sell a Device for Instantly Watching Movies on TV Sets [NYT]
The Netflix Player [Official site]

Previously in monopolies: XM and Sirius: Hooray for Monopolies!

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Paris Hilton has been visiting churches in London, reportedly to plan her wedding to Benji Madden.The pair have been dating less than 3 months.Paris wants to have a wedding ceremony just like her idol’s, the late Princess Diana.
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The scoop from Fernwood Gold III:SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF: Last night on RAW, when Vince popped on and announced a match between Mr. Kennedy and William Regal, I turned to Chester and said “why aren’t they doing this at the PPV?” I seriously thought William Regal’s “firing” last night meant they were easing him away from the GM role and maybe towards a gimmick match with Kennedy at ONE NIGHT STAND. Boy, even I’m wrong sometimes because check this out from WWE.com this morning:“STAMFORD, Conn., May 20, 2008 - In accordance with its Substance Abuse and Drug Testing Policy, WWE has suspended Darren Matthews (William Regal) for 60 days for his second violation of the company’s policy.”
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New Random House CEO Markus Dohle
(Artist’s rendition)Courtesy of NBC

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Random House’s Bertelsmann overlords passed over internal candidates to succeed Peter Olson as head of the country’s biggest trade book publisher, choosing instead an outsider to the world of book publishing: Markus Dohle, head of the company’s printing-services division, Arvato. We speculated a few weeks ago that this could be a situation akin to Jack Donaghy’s being named vice-president of East Coast Television and Microwave-Oven Programming for General Electric, and it sort of seems like we were right; Dohle has no prior experience in book publishing, and Arvato became financially successful during his tenure thanks to “plunging into far-ranging businesses such as repairing mobile telephones, storing pharmaceuticals and running call centers and billing systems.” A colleague calls Dohle “entrepreneurial.”

What does this mean for Random House? Hard to say. Donaghy Dohle has already pegged educational publishing as an area in which the company can expand, but what’s the book-publishing equivalent of auxiliary businesses like phone repair and call-center operation? Will Vintage editorial assistants be taught to repair Kindles? Will publicists be forced to write term-papers-for-hire? Can Sonny Mehta operate a forklift? It’s a brave new world!

Industry Outsider to Run Random House [WSJ]

Earlier:Bertelsmann to Replace Random House’s Peter Olson With Jack Donaghy?

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George Takei said he will wed his longtime partner and business manager, Brad Altman, now that the California Supreme Court has legalized same-sex marriage.

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Reuters - Peter Olson is resigning as chairman and chief executive of book publisher Random House and will be succeeded by Markus Dohle, parent company Bertelsmann AG said on Tuesday.

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If prosecutors can prove a videotape features R. Kelly and an underage girl, the R&B superstar’s child pornography trial could end with him receiving a lengthy prison sentence.

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AP - A photographer convicted of assaulting Heather Mills won an appeal Tuesday because Mills didn’t attend a court hearing.
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While Serena walks the newly lit streets of Manhattan calling Dan for the umpteenth time, Rufus and Lily are “ohmygod-ing” in bed after their sinful, yet amazing, night together. Rufus receives a call about his band going on tour, Lily receives a call from her soon-to-be husband Bart, and the love-torn pair sit up in bed to an awkward moment.

Adios G!

Over at Palace de Waldorf, Blair startles awake to a clothed and cuddling Chuck. After a moment of flirty banter (Chuck, who loves it when Blair talks dirty, reminds her of the scars she left on his back during one of their titillating love sessions), Blair slams the door in his face, and half smiles as he leaves.

Nate takes a jog in Central Park with his apparently rehabilitated once-cocaine-loving father. After telling his dad he wants his parents to meet Vanessa, Dad nods and walks away to answer a shady phone call.

Fed up with Dan’s answering machine, Serena ventures over to Brooklyn - via taxi - and discovers Georgina at the Hunphrey loft. Continuing to play the innocent card, Serena finally calls Georgina by her true name - “psycho bitch” - and tells Dan everything. Dan wishes she had told him all of this sooner, and Serena refuses to hear the details of his and Georgina’s night together.

Across town in an empty building, Bart laments about letting go of the past, and asks Lily if she can do the same. Lily says yes.

Wanting to cleanse the Upper East Side of the G disease, Blair and Dan put aside their differences to devise a plan to send Georgina away to rehab, La Lohan style. Apparently using the family’s driver, charging several nights in a 5-star hotel and running around her old neighborhood was stealth, so after one phone call to Georgina ’s parents, the lying schemer is kaput. Reminiscent of the moment when Reese Witherspoon exposes Sarah Michelle Gellar in “Cruel Intentions,” Blair asks a defeated Georgina, “Haven’t ya heard, I’m the crazy bitch around here.” Silly Georgina, don’t you know that crazy bitch trumps psycho bitch?

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Reuters - Clint Eastwood directs Angelina Jolie in a gripping 1920s drama based on the true story of a woman whose search for her missing son forced her to confront the Los Angeles police and a serial child killer.

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